Dissertation adventures: building the reference collection

Burning bridges

How complicated can one’s life get when it comes to matters of the heart or lack there of? It’s never really been an easy road for me to when it comes to boyfriends and those feelings that make you all loopy and warm inside. My first official boyfriend was a complete asshole jock and we broke up at least twice within a year! I cant even remember why I dated him in the first place...anyway it did give my popularity a bit of a boost with him being a senior and the school jock n all. The one good thing that ever came from that relationship were the new mates I got to make, including one with the most cutest guy I had ever seen in my life at that point. I’ll refer to him as “Tom”. It’s funny because he and the jock ex-boyfriend weren’t even mates, not at all! Anyway that’s not the point, the point is that through all the shit times I was going through there was always that one beautiful person that would just make my day by just sitting next to me. We ended up kissing in the kitchen the one time and he asked me out after that, but stupid me, I was still with that jerk. Tom was so sweet and so amazing he was willing to wait for me to realise what was right for me, but the universe had plans of its own, and so Tom and I went our separate ways. We kept in contact with each other for some time after that, I loved every second of it and would blush at the beep of his text. Then the day came for me to burn the crumbling bridge that we had built together. It was clear to the both of us that we were no more than long-distance romantics trying to make the impossible work...I cried for a long time, but I never forgot Tom.

A couple of months after Tom, I was fortunate to meet a few more guys that I held dear to my heart and became my best mates. I started to see the world (girls) through the eyes of males. I had my cuddly teddy bear, sporty restaurant (if you can call it that) manager, and even a younger blonde blue/green eyed rascal to keep me company. The next highlight of my life came in the form of a foreign soul whose family name means “entertain” =). We met through his mother, whom I loved and still do as my own. It was all just such a cute game, I would blush, he would blush, awkward smiley moments hanging in time and space. I got along with his brothers, especially his younger brother. My girl mate and I were over at their flat almost every single day and I would always make that extra effort to be more social & chatty. Gyaaa, he was amazing and still is...

Then Varsity happened & “entertain” was still my number one guy, it didn’t last very long though =(. Had a couple flings here and there, grew more confident in my sexuality and started dating my best friend at the time. All I can say about that relationship was that it really shouldn’t have happened in the first place as I was dealing with a very painful loss. The relationship was no good for me and it hurt, both physically and emotionally. So, I ended it, bridge up in flames...few years later I hook up with another mate...why do I keep doing that?? It didn’t work out and you could say I burnt that bridge really fast. Before I knew it, another had wormed his way into my heart without me even realising it. I didn’t expect it at all; in fact I’ve only acknowledged it in the past year. I swear it was both the best and worst thing to happen to me in my entire state of existence.

I love you, but I’m not the only girl to do so...in order for me to keep friendships in check including my own sanity, I moved halfway across the world to forget about you and focus on my career. I don’t regret this move for one second. What I do regret, is still feeling like a little girl every time a text from you would come through or being concerned about your well-being when your name is mentioned. You’re living your rock star life at the moment; new faces, new places, and I foresee new spaces...I couldn’t possibly fit in it. I need to burn this bridge now and see what else the world has to offer. I hope to God it won’t involve really old men and lesbian stalkers!! Indian dude...I doubt it, but hey it’s only a start right? I secretly wish this bridge to be made of some underlying steel or copper hiding underneath a wooden structure, because I value our friendship, even though you don’t share a lot with me.

I’m a loser I know, shoot me =P 

Rummaging through the Library

About 2 weeks ago i made the library my bitch, i was in it almost every single day searching for something to inspire me. PhD thoughts running wild in my head, dissertation obligations tapping at my shoulder... at this point i was looking for anything and everything.

By complete accident, or so i would like to think, i came across the South African bookshelf. Not much to look through, but hey at least we made it into the shelf! Anyway, there were loads of books on the Mandela biography, Mbeki, and then right next to it was a biography on Zuma. JZ has made it to the major leagues! Some poor soul decided that he’s going to write a book on dearest president JZ with chapter titles such as; Zulu boy, the Zuma tsunami, let’s kill all the lawyers, and let’s fire Mbeki instead. Those are just a few of the chapters that i could remember from scanning the book in the midst of my cloudy mind. Must say it looks like an interesting and entertaining read, maybe if i was actually interested in politics i would check the book out.

 To be honest, that would be a cold day in hell & i will be willing to have a soccer teams worth of kids, before i get myself to read anything on politicians or any other big head at the top of the food chain.