Homeward Bound

The last couple days in York have been awesome. The entire year has been awesome! Right, so we started off with coffee with Keri; I swear we could talk forever but stupid meetings got in the way. Next off was a trip to the House of Trembling Madness with Olly that resulted in drinking a mass amount of beer. The glass was gigantic and could barely lift it let alone drink all of it; we even managed to get the entire pub staring at us when our drinks arrived...too much fun. Next stop was Evil Eye & it was just blurry from then onwards. I don’t remember how I made it to KM or our next stop from there. I had good fun that day. The last night in York I went out to Tokyo...it wasn’t planned at all; the plan was to get a drink at the pub and then come home. Nope, 3 pubs, Tokyo & a hook up later I’m in bed just about packed for the next day.    

I swear the universe didn’t want me to leave England; it pulled out all the stops to get me to stay. First we had a lovely shower of rain on my way to the train station thus resulting in a very cold station, not that it’s ever warm in there or anything. Next stupid thing I did was get onto the wrong train and managed to jump off just in time before being London-bound. So I manage to get onto the right train & because it’s so packed full of people, I had to stand for the entire 2 hour journey to Man Airport. Not too bad of a start there, the worst bit was the fact that my luggage was slightly over weight. Tossed out a pair of pumps and put a couple t-shirts into my hand luggage & I was ready to go. Almost missed my flight to Zurich, thanks to the complicated mass that is Man Airport.  Zurich was just fine; nothing too dramatic happened there except for our 30 min delay, yet another sign from the Universe to stay. However, it placed me on a flight between 3 South Africans for 10 hours...just make up your mind already Universe; stay or go?

Anyway, after 12 hours of flying across the world & I’m back in SA. The usual start to the morning is with breakfast and so mum & baby bro of mine went out for brekkie, which I paid for in the end. Homeward bound & passed out on the couch while catching up with my baby bro. Leftover pizza & more drifting in-n-out of sleep for most of the night, laughing my lungs out with dada & loads of cartoon watching.

The main idea for the next week or so is to become familiar with what should already be familiar. I’m only seeing my mates over the weekend and from then on it will be more scheduling to get around to seeing everyone. Got to remember to keep hydrated & not go overboard with being out in the sun. The last experience was not fun at all & shan’t be repeating it anytime soon.

So that was it, that was the last of Callisto’s life in York, now all that’s left is graduation and surviving life post-MSc...kicking my ass already might I add. 

Happy

Stranded in a desert of a million dreams

Just like life hasn’t exactly been as nice as it seems.

Hello, how are you?

Why you looking so sad on a day like this?

Do you feel like talking?

Now you got me started, I want to put a smile on your face.

You can be so happy, on this brand new beautiful day.

You can be so happy, like its getting ready to play. Come on and bring it on, on and on, nothing that you do can be wrong.

Come along or just don’t bring it on.

It all seems perfect, but perfect seems boring as hell

You’ve been craving for this, now you seem stuck like a snail in its shell.

All that matters, is that you can be free to live your life the way you sincerely feel it

Cause life’s too short.

Don’t want to be a prisoner of your own illusions...

- Sita

Women of Note

Lucretia – the wife of Batiatus and Domina of a now non-existent ludis; a woman of moderate standings, who knew how to dress the part is now left with nothing. A fairly conflicted character in both love and deception, Lucy Lawless portrays her like no other actress could possibly come close to playing. Lucretia is by no means Xena, other than being bisexual and sharing the same body to “manifest” in Lucretia may just be more deadly than the physically dominant Xena. Enough about Xena, Lucretia was devoted to her husband completely and still had Crixus as her little side-dish in the 1^st episode. However, Crixus decided to grow a couple brain cells and develop feelings for Nevia and left Lucretia wounded physically and emotionally. That bitch doesn’t die easily though, a little poke to the tummy may have killed the baby she was carrying, but not the Domina carrying it. Sparticus: Vengeance is all about Lucretia taking out the bastards and bitches that wanted her dead. Her face says it all...gyaa, I love both Lucretia & Lucy!!

Rogue – the first X-men original character I fell in love with as a child. A deeply conflicted young woman, who is yet to realize her strength, emotionally detached and rejected, I don’t know why I fell for her. Maybe because she started out as a villain, a perfect villain that after more backstabbing became one of the good guys. An unstable and unpredictable heroine that nobody could control or get close to...nobody! Gambit was her only weakness.

Ororo “Storm” Monroe – the wise, silver haired, weather witch used to freak me out as a kid. Once I knew more about her background and how she became the weather witch, it scared me even more, but along with it brought on a sense of intrigue and fascination of her. To this day, Storm has become my favourite character; so wise, so strong, the almost perfect role model for any girl. Pity the writers for the X-men movies didn’t give her a bigger role to play; she really was the backbone and voice of reason to the entire team. I wonder if she and Logan actually get together, just to toss out the tension between them.        

The end of the line...

The journey to get here started with one and so it has to end with only one yet again.

Just last week I handed in the final version of my MSc thesis and by the good grace of God, I finally made it to the end. The end of the most challenging, eye-opening and exciting year of my life. So, what have I learned this year?

·         Well, that I can be alone & survive it all (not that I would do it again in a hurry)

·         Even though my family annoys the crap out of me, I miss them to bits

·         Your true friends are the ones that are there despite the distant. I mean with some of my mates back home, I forget that we’re 12 hours apart from each other. Yes, not everyone is good at keeping contact, but there is that fine line that separates you from being an acquaintance, a mate, a bestie, and a soul-mate. That reminds me; I had my fortune read by a woman I met before moving out to York. Totally random as I was just picking up my Dad’s dry cleaning for him when she just took my hand looked at me and said that in my new adventure I would find my soul-mate. Your soul-mate isn’t necessarily your partner, but could be a friend you just realised you can’t live without. There has been one that I could never stop thinking about no matter how hard I tried to move on from the poor basis of a friendship we had. I still can’t get over it and figure we were never really friends to start out with, just two people looking for someone to fill the void but caught in the friendship entrapment.

·         Making new friends may not be easy, but it sure as hell so much fun when a good thing is going

·         I hate people who just won’t see my point of view. You don’t have to accept it, just hear me out

·         I need a break from academia & enter the real world of a 09:00 – 17:00 job, rent, and bills to pay...not fun!

·         Far too young and restless to slow down and settle. A manfriend who can live out my adventurous lifestyle with me would be welcomed.

·         On the topic of manfriends, I suck at picking out the right one. My entire selection just ends up in a train wreck.

·         Just one step closer to fulfilling my life’s dream with the ultimate career and getting there is much harder than I thought it would be. No pressure, no diamonds...

Can’t believe an entire year has passed already, but we (bioarch’s & Stacie) made it to the very end. What now?? Guess we just take over the world with our nerdiness, one small county, state, country, and continent at a time. To the new Cool Kid’s Club: English Version =)

Dare You to Move -Vitamin String Quartet playing in my head =)

Somebody Help Me

Can somebody help me?

Being haunted by a whisper, a chill comes over me

I’ve been trapped inside this moment. I‘m not a victim, I’m not a freak

Free me, before I slip away

Heal me, wake me from this day

Can somebody help me? Somebody help me

I’ve seen the face of my affliction, of my reality

I’m being tortured by the future, of things yet to be

I’m being haunted by a vision, it’s like the moment never comes

I feel the burden of confusion. Always searching on the run

Free me, before I slip away

Heal me, wake me from this day

Can somebody help me? Somebody help me

Now I’m not a hero, no

But the weight of the world’s on my soul

These images burn in my eyes. They’re burning me up inside

Free me, before I slip away

Heal me, wake me from this day

Can somebody help me? Somebody help me

-Full Blown Rose

Burning out

It’s been a long year and it’s the final countdown. Dissertation work began no more than 4/5 months ago and now the hand-in date is no more than a week away. I’m so tired; I can’t work on this paper anymore. I’ve reached the point where I can’t even read my previously typed out chapters anymore to edit them for the second time at least. My brain is just so tired from having read the same thing over and over again. I can’t possibly add any more data to what I have written already, if there are any grammatical errors, I can’t pick them up, my brain cells have just died. To be fair to myself all I have left to work on are the final chapters and my appendices...so much work, so tired. I just cant anymore and knowing that the amount of sweat, tears, time and effort that I’ve put into this so far isn’t going to reflect too well in the final product. All I can do is pray and hope that the people marking my work realise just how outside my element I really am. It’s not fair!

It’s my daddy’s birthday today, and it’s the first time I’m so far away from him at this time of the year. He’s getting older and reminds me so much of my grandfather. I miss my grandpa...I still cry every time I think about him. To know that my dad (both my folks) are getting older every year scares the life out of me. All I want to do today is just be home, enjoying the sunshine and watching dad braai meat out by the pool while the “women” cook in the kitchen. That’s all I want...I lie, it’s not all I want, but my ultimate wish can’t come true no matter how hard I work or how hard I cry. Just have to suck it up and deal with what’s in front of me.

Happy birthday Dada, I love you lots & lots!!!

I’m temporarily blinded by irrational tears right now, can’t believe I’m crying because I’m scared of the unknown. There, I admit that I am scared. I do get scared and I’m scared shitless right now! The weather outside is trying to be beautiful with the sun shining and all, but there’s also the presence of the huge gusts of wind that would blow past every now and then. Blows my focus onto what’s going on in New York. Generally I wouldn’t have cared much about what’s happening on that side of the world, but my bestie lives there now...so I care a lot all of a sudden. It had been t least 12 hours since I last heard or detected any news from her in the big apple. I was already set to go into a state of mild panic when a green light on facebook popped up to let me know that she was online. It’s not mush to go on, but hey it’s something right. To be honest, I have no idea what’s going on out there and the news reports on Hurricane Irene aren’t exactly setting my mind at ease with Mayor Bloomberg (whatever his name is) suffering from exhaustion and people still out watching the storm unfold outside. Not everybody gets to be a storm-chaser, stay away from the bitch! Anyway, my mate is just fine and now I need to focus on me and what I can do pull rabbits out my ass for this dissertation.

You’d still love me even if I failed right?  I’ve made it this far, but I’m tired and “even heroes know when to be scared”. 

just random thoughts to get off my chest

It’s the final month of my Masters degree, and I’m not particularly sure how I feel about it. I’m both excited that within a short space of time I will hopefully be the new owner of another degree, but that also brings me closer to packing up my bags and heading back to South Africa. I miss home, yes, but I’ve adapted to living on this side of the world already and have a really awesome group of mates. Over the couple of days I’ve developed this sense of fear that I’m going to flunk the year! What would I do if I were to fail?? Now, a lot of people have told me that that scenario is not likely to happen, but you never know. There are two sides to every coin and on of these days it will land on the opposite side and I’m just waiting for that day to come along and pray that it affect my degree in anyway. I’ve made my folks spend way too much money on this venture for it to just to end in a pool of tears.

I’m just so super scared of the unknown, its something I have no control over and maybe my best just doesn’t cut it. I’ve been receiving loads of pep messages from both family and close mates, who always say that I’ll make it and they’re proud of me, as awesome as those messages are to me it also just makes it much harder for me. Being told that you’re an inspiration and a role model for your siblings and other folk that look up to you and want to be just like you, it really is just so scary. These people really see you as being perfect and being able to do anything. Reality is that I’m the biggest loser this world has ever seen. I’m no superstar...I’m not doing the impossible; I’m just a stubborn bitch trying to get through each day without having to come to terms with my very obvious insecurities and imperfections. I don’t wish for anyone to be like me...it’s horrible. You want someone to look up to, take your pick at the people I find myself hanging out with on a daily basis both here and in SA. If your patient, my brothers are well on their way to awesomeness, look up to them and let me deal with myself before I can share myself with the rest of you. 

I guess I could comment on the London riots, but I won’t simply because I live a life in which I isolate myself from the news and focus on what I can change in the world. They say ignorance is bliss & it seems to be working for me, as pathetically blonde as that sounds. I get upset with the news because all they seem to report on is all the bad and negative in the world most of the time. I have enough to deal with on a daily basis and wished that the rest of the world and a couple people I know would just get over themselves and bloody well live! 

Almost there!!!

I’m almost there, so close to the end!! I can’t wait to be done with this and take a long ass break from academia, maybe start doing other stuff that I love such as...such as...wait, I know there’s something I love other than human remains and archaeology. A good five plus years of my life have been spent with all my energies focus on archaeology. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s now time to either start taking it super “Nigey” or focus on other things in my life. I love fashion, but can’t dress myself for shit. I’m always the chick the corner who’s dressed like a boy or a bag-lady. I like art, but I can’t even draw a straight line. There’s photography and modelling, but alas imp no good or just too fat to get into either. Ah well, something is bound to come up with all the spare time I’m going to have to myself from September onwards. Bits of travelling and volunteer work maybe? I could try being a mom, that’s something I’ve always told myself I would suck at, but a part of me really wants to try it out. I took care of Kiva pretty well, and David was doing fine until Nicolas drove over him = (. I’ll start over with another plant and we can take it from there.

I have mixed emotions about leaving York already, took them long enough to get here!  I’m so psyched about wrapping up this degree so that I can go home and see my family again. Lounging out in the folk’s bedroom sprawled on the floor watching the telly and just teasing everyone about something or other. Watching cartoons until really late with my baby bro, who at times often tells me to grow up. Hanging out with my superstar bro and often wondering what is going on inside his head...all these little things I miss to much. Then there are the few mates that I still have, miss them loads too, especially now with this whole dissertation crap. Coffee, wine, random moments and awesome mates had become my staples. Whilst longing to go back home, I’m also sad to be leaving the mates and the familiar surroundings here in York. Gyaaa, it’s taken so long to get to this point and when I’m finally here, I have to leave. Well, I suppose I could just stay on and get a job here, but nothing is finalized yet and I really do want to go home for a bit. There are some things I would like to get sorted out first before I head off again into to other corner of the globe. A couple of things i will be happy to be rid of once this is all over, is that I won’t have to work with some people ever again or at least for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, they really are nice people, but we just can’t work together. I have my way and they have theirs; tried to make it work, but it hasn’t and they just don’t seem to want to try things my way. So...goodbye to you, rather catch at the pub rather than the workplace. My collection of stalkers should disappear too! Thought it would be fun and a compliment to have a bunch of people after your ass 24/7, but its not, its freaky that’s what it is!!! I wont have to look over my shoulder anymore to see who’s following me, or take new routes to get to my house =) over with!!!! Later bitches!!!

Going to get me a proper manfriend, on the topic, my mum seems to have found me a manfriend! Don’t know what to think of that just yet, clearly she wants her grandbabies. Well, not from my vagina, and no mom, I don’t want a baby sister!!!!!

That awkward moment you realize you’re an idiot

I’m so tired...my soul is so tired...I want this degree so bad and I want to do well too. I just can’t get anything done right. Everything I seem to do isn’t right or not good enough. I spend hours everyday reading books and writing a few hundred words just so you can read it and let me know what you think, where I’m going wrong...you know the normal stuff that helps you grow as an academic. Sure, they’ll rip my work to shreds with their razor sharp tongues (or fingers in this case), but you know what, at least then I will know that some time was taken out of their day to actually stick their heads out of each others asses and wonder how I’m getting on!!

Wow, that was a super long sentence...

To say I’m pissed off is an understatement; actually it’s not true at all. I’m just curious so know what it is that I’m fucking up on?? I follow everything, well whatever I can remember, to the letter how can I be doing it wrong?? And when I send you work, I expect you to read it and then leave comments!!! I’m not asking for the world now am I! Shit, Mary mother of...sorry, that was just another explosion of my pent up anger. I’m just a retard when it comes to science. This statement would have bothered me so much before, but now...I’m actually glad that I’m a retard as far as science goes because you know what, it’s all bullshit! It’s all just a bunch of douche-bags (with the one nice guy in the group) who think they all that and a bag of chips, sitting in their little ivory towers mixing and extracting shit that nobody really cares about. If I had to choose between religion and science, I would always choose religion. No question about it!! I’m sorry the answer you seek does not lie within an eppendorf tube or through the lens of a microscope, as cool as all those things may be, but the answer is out there in the field. Get the fuck out and live/experience the life of those you study, if not, then let me do shit my way. I won’t fuck it up; I swear.

I’m sorry...I’m sorry you had to read this, but I just feel like absolute shit today and want my besties to be with me and tell me that it will be fine. I want to go to a pub quiz and win the beer round, and have pub-lunch-Friday even though we just started the week. I want to smile, laugh and talk about manfriends and potential love interests. Don’t want to be the miserable old sod that I’ve become anymore.

It will all be over soon...2 months from now I’ll be liberated and Callisto will move on from York and start a new adventure elsewhere =)  

Freak on a Leash

Life can’t always be perfect now can it...pity, because I would give anything to smile and laugh again tonight. Ever since my messed up date night and criteria of freaks that I seem to have collected; I’ve been stuck in this runt.

My chest still hurts, but thanks to Stevie B, that’s the only thing that hurts =). Got into a fight with my mum this morning & I really and honestly didn’t do anything to start it. I know she’s not feeling well amongst other things on her shoulders, but I’m so sore and tired right now. I can’t deal with anything at the moment, my dissertation just keeps taunting me and no matter how hard I work, it’s just not good enough. My old mates, who know how to make me feel so much better, effortlessly, are so far away. I talk to them everyday, but I just don’t feel them. I’ve got new mates here in this part of the world that are just so rad it’s going to hurt so much when we all go our separate ways. The time we have is just not enough, it’s never enough!

So to make myself feel better, the only way I know how I pasted myself with make-up and let the camera lens reveal to me who I was. I often see myself as this subtle rebel, going against the current, striving to be different, loved and most importantly hardcore. However, that is not what I saw in the photos, not at all. Despite the make-up and jacket, my insecurities came to the surface. It took so many frames to get the perfect shot. My face and eyes were not as hard as they were meant to be; they had become soft and fragile.  

Underneath all of this, I am soft and fragile. Sometimes my heart will be crying in a middle of a smile. Been racing for years and still there is no finish line...but you know what...I’m a rock star! All my brain needs is three days for it to turn this upside down world the right way up again. Then you need to decide whether we’re mates, more than that or nothing at all because I can’t burn this bridge on my own.

Catch Alight...

Dissertation adventures: building the reference collection

Burning bridges

How complicated can one’s life get when it comes to matters of the heart or lack there of? It’s never really been an easy road for me to when it comes to boyfriends and those feelings that make you all loopy and warm inside. My first official boyfriend was a complete asshole jock and we broke up at least twice within a year! I cant even remember why I dated him in the first place...anyway it did give my popularity a bit of a boost with him being a senior and the school jock n all. The one good thing that ever came from that relationship were the new mates I got to make, including one with the most cutest guy I had ever seen in my life at that point. I’ll refer to him as “Tom”. It’s funny because he and the jock ex-boyfriend weren’t even mates, not at all! Anyway that’s not the point, the point is that through all the shit times I was going through there was always that one beautiful person that would just make my day by just sitting next to me. We ended up kissing in the kitchen the one time and he asked me out after that, but stupid me, I was still with that jerk. Tom was so sweet and so amazing he was willing to wait for me to realise what was right for me, but the universe had plans of its own, and so Tom and I went our separate ways. We kept in contact with each other for some time after that, I loved every second of it and would blush at the beep of his text. Then the day came for me to burn the crumbling bridge that we had built together. It was clear to the both of us that we were no more than long-distance romantics trying to make the impossible work...I cried for a long time, but I never forgot Tom.

A couple of months after Tom, I was fortunate to meet a few more guys that I held dear to my heart and became my best mates. I started to see the world (girls) through the eyes of males. I had my cuddly teddy bear, sporty restaurant (if you can call it that) manager, and even a younger blonde blue/green eyed rascal to keep me company. The next highlight of my life came in the form of a foreign soul whose family name means “entertain” =). We met through his mother, whom I loved and still do as my own. It was all just such a cute game, I would blush, he would blush, awkward smiley moments hanging in time and space. I got along with his brothers, especially his younger brother. My girl mate and I were over at their flat almost every single day and I would always make that extra effort to be more social & chatty. Gyaaa, he was amazing and still is...

Then Varsity happened & “entertain” was still my number one guy, it didn’t last very long though =(. Had a couple flings here and there, grew more confident in my sexuality and started dating my best friend at the time. All I can say about that relationship was that it really shouldn’t have happened in the first place as I was dealing with a very painful loss. The relationship was no good for me and it hurt, both physically and emotionally. So, I ended it, bridge up in flames...few years later I hook up with another mate...why do I keep doing that?? It didn’t work out and you could say I burnt that bridge really fast. Before I knew it, another had wormed his way into my heart without me even realising it. I didn’t expect it at all; in fact I’ve only acknowledged it in the past year. I swear it was both the best and worst thing to happen to me in my entire state of existence.

I love you, but I’m not the only girl to do so...in order for me to keep friendships in check including my own sanity, I moved halfway across the world to forget about you and focus on my career. I don’t regret this move for one second. What I do regret, is still feeling like a little girl every time a text from you would come through or being concerned about your well-being when your name is mentioned. You’re living your rock star life at the moment; new faces, new places, and I foresee new spaces...I couldn’t possibly fit in it. I need to burn this bridge now and see what else the world has to offer. I hope to God it won’t involve really old men and lesbian stalkers!! Indian dude...I doubt it, but hey it’s only a start right? I secretly wish this bridge to be made of some underlying steel or copper hiding underneath a wooden structure, because I value our friendship, even though you don’t share a lot with me.

I’m a loser I know, shoot me =P 

Rummaging through the Library

About 2 weeks ago i made the library my bitch, i was in it almost every single day searching for something to inspire me. PhD thoughts running wild in my head, dissertation obligations tapping at my shoulder... at this point i was looking for anything and everything.

By complete accident, or so i would like to think, i came across the South African bookshelf. Not much to look through, but hey at least we made it into the shelf! Anyway, there were loads of books on the Mandela biography, Mbeki, and then right next to it was a biography on Zuma. JZ has made it to the major leagues! Some poor soul decided that he’s going to write a book on dearest president JZ with chapter titles such as; Zulu boy, the Zuma tsunami, let’s kill all the lawyers, and let’s fire Mbeki instead. Those are just a few of the chapters that i could remember from scanning the book in the midst of my cloudy mind. Must say it looks like an interesting and entertaining read, maybe if i was actually interested in politics i would check the book out.

 To be honest, that would be a cold day in hell & i will be willing to have a soccer teams worth of kids, before i get myself to read anything on politicians or any other big head at the top of the food chain.

Stalkers...

Ok, so how long have I been single exactly?? I drugged myself to bed last night seeing as my faithful mate, insomnia, has returned. Wake up this morning/afternoon, it was a long night, and I have a new lesbian stalker who goes by the name Fify...enough said. I’m hoping your French or something just so that the name makes sense. Alright, on a more serious note...my academia profile is not for picking up people to date. I use my academic profile to schmooze my way to the top of my career path, not to date! I don’t scare that easily, well sometimes, but this email got me out of bed pronto and into the shaggiest, baggy clothes I own in the UK.

“Hello dear,
My name is Fify, single searching for true love relationship as i saw your profile here (academia.edu) and i became interested in you and i will like to know more about you and if you don't mind to mail me back here then i will reply you with my pictures and tell you more about myself.
I hope we can move from here. waiting for your mail.
With best regards”

Think it’s time to start dating again, a sign from the universe. So, if any of you people out there could make suggestions I would appreciate them...and probably turn them down in the end. I do love men and I admit to being bicurious, but I love all things manly, wouldn’t trade it for the world. =) Using my email address to get me to talk to you, was not a good idea. I will find you!

I must be on a roll...that’s now the third stalker I’ve managed to obtain in a space of a year!! 

Spartacus!!!

I can't believe this beautiful man has cancer =( makes me so sad. Amazing physical appearance,but i prefer the character Crixus. I've fallen in love with him more than Spartacus.

The calm before the storm

It's been week from tartarus and this is only the beginning. Finally got through the assessed lecture, English as broken as it is failed to flow smoothly,but hey... the drinks after that were most welcomed. Strawberry cider...yummy!!! Thanx to a fellow bioarch nerd for the introduction =). I would have thought that since the lecture business is over I would be able to sleep. Sadly, that is not the case. I'm not sleeping at all these days,it's been 2 weeks now since I've had proper welcomed sleep without inducing it myself. Not much work has been done either in these moments that I've spent awake. However, I have discovered a new love interest for the fantasies that play out in my head...Spartacus:Blood and Sand. What was my life before beholding such brutality & sexiness?? Safe to say I will never look at men the same way.



Following the advice of a dear friend I will not indulge you on the original content that I was determined to blog about. Apparently it could ruin things with people. To be honest, its already ruined and I'm just embracing my inner bitch. 3 strikes and you're out buddy-boy, sorry...I still love you though (my weakness). As for my stalker, I told you before, get a life and let me get on with mine, wet magnesium and flames will not be kind to your remains. Identification of your remains will be near to impossible...just saying ;)
Besides, I have a forensic archaeologist in London to impress, that's stressful enough. My hair better work with me on that day, its started falling out again,but this time I will relax and take things with a glass of wine & aKing =)

I miss my mommy & the little girl with her

And so it begins...

It’s that time of the year again when I become an unpleasant person to be around. Ok, generally I am an unpleasant person, but if you add dissertation research and writing to the mix well... I’ve spent close to a week searching for and reading articles on starch grain analysis and dental calculus. It was only last night that my brain had an “aha” moment and when I woke up the next morning, it was gone. Hmmm, my brain is simple...it works on the principle of “monkey see, monkey do” right now this monkey isn’t seeing much and is therefore not getting a whole lot done! Anyway, with loads of positive energy (just oozing from my pores) and the wonder that is science (so I’m told by the scientists) it will work out. Good!!!

Ok, so my last few posts were really angry, dark and super narcissistic and got a few people wondering what it is they did wrong. If you think you did something to upset me, well...took you long enough! Ok, no now really, I’m just embracing the narcissist-ness within my personality. There is the existence of a ‘healthy’ narcissism that we should all practice and if you know anything about me, my folks, super awesome brothers & mates then you can understand my need to have a slightly higher dosage of narcissism. If not...I’m sorry, in the case that I’ve been unpleasant...again I am sorry. A feature related to healthy narcissism is the feeling of greatness, which is the antithesis of insecurity and inadequacy. Can’t promise it won’t happen again, but this time I have a mate that I’m just going to call up and scream at. When he gets a ‘bird’, if he doesn’t have one already, she’s just going to have to deal with it for my sake.

So, on the happy and bright side of things in my York-living/uni-busyness I got my pathology report back, and must say that the comments I got back made me smile a whole lot. Comments were that it was a beautiful piece, professionally done and accompanied by well documented illustrations =). For once my photos weren’t rubbish.

Back in York

After just a little over 12 hours of travelling, I'm back in York. To be honest it feels good to be back to a little more control in my life. Spring time in the UK and the sun is out and shining, not all that warm,but shame they are trying. lol.

Getting back into the swing of things already, have a coffee date later today and dental calculus to read up on =). Sounds like so much fun, would rather go shopping. Think I'll do that before those bratty kids get married tomorrow and force the whole of England to be a part of it. Note to the "so-called Royals of England" your not really royalty, you have no power in this country or anywhere in the world actually, and nobody cares that one of you is getting married! That is all...I would like to get on with my life now.

Oh...I've realized last night that I indeed do have my own agent Booth =)

Ready to leave now

Wow...I have never before in my life felt like an outsider among my own mates. You know when you start the day and you're just so excited bout it and the people you get to see again?? Well, that is how my day originally started...loads of smiles, hugs and laughs. A lunch date that put my mind both at ease and going into sensory overload. I know it wasn't the main intention, but my emotions tend to do what they want, when they want. On the drive home all I could think about was how this "Black Widow" was sinking her teeth into my mate and flooding in so much poison into the wound. Dark secrets also came to light, I had suspected it was going on, but had no proof. Just it being mentioned by somebody else put all the pieces together for me. So many things started making sense, a clear picture was forming. The only thing I didn't and don't understand is why? Why lie about it and keep it a secret? Why did't you tell me bout her? Think I was going to judge you? Maybe a little bit yes, but I have been stood by you anyway...clearly we not as close mates as I thought we were...July 7...

My family is also turning it seems, turning me into a domesticated housewife!! Don't know how and why, but its happening and the torture is greater than Chinese water-torture. Alas, you can't choose your family so let's focus on what I can change...me.

Note to self: STOP CARING ABOUT FUCKS WHO DON'T GIVE A SHIT BOUT YOU!!!

thatisall

Changes

Remember in the last post how I claimed that nothing at all had changed in SA?? What the hell did I know, I had only been in SA for little over 2 weeks! I can honestly say that a shit-load of things and people have changed. I'm not trying to be mean and target people, and I know that changed is unavoidable, its going to happen whether I like it or not. It's just that I did not expect it to be this drastic, actually I didn't expect it at all. Maybe that's the problem. Over the past 5 months away I had stored all the memories and awesomeness of my family and mates, preserved and conserved them in their pristine and original condition, that coming back to this...made me really angry and sad. I cried!! It was the memories that kept me going in that fridge wasteland! Ok, I'm being a bit of a snob-nosed bitch right now, but thank you mates for giving me 5 minutes of your lives, while I on the other hand spent 12 hours in flight traveling half way across the world, paid around R12000, and a month out of my dissertation writing time to see your asses!!! It's cool now, I'm over it...I know I don't exactly fit in anymore, but hey so what...I'm a big girl (I think) it's just water over my really curved back now. Moving on...

I still have more rant in me, but no...! Change...have I changed? I hope not at this point I like me, so changing would ruin that, maybe later =)

I'm tired now, think I've dramatized my life a bit too much now. Time to just mellow and chill out a bit with a bunch of guys, who even though have changed, they still get me.

The power of music =) God-sent =)

Being Home

I feel almost human again =), went out to Pta yesterday to say hi to a couple of people. Driving into Pta itself was on another level, not much has changed since I've been gone. Started off with a coffee date with Lee at Brooklyn. So good to see the face behind all the texts. A small catch-up session started and not all that much has changed it seems. Drove over to campus, first stop was to see Prof. Kriel, she was so supper happy to see me =). Had an awesome little chat and kept going on about how proud she was of me and so many little hugs. Awesomeness!!! Then came the Archaeology Department, Lynnette still the same as I left her. Also made an appearance at Prof. Pikirayi's office. Seems the Dept is slowly getting onto a roll, so much money coming into the research pool and all.

Oh, while having coffee with Lee, I was asked if I was above the age of 18 because my drink had rum in it =). I'll take that as a compliment =P. Got to see Danny, Ruthie, Helen and Bianca for a bit too. Went out for a drink at Oom G with Ruthie and scored a free drink in the process. My first Hunters Dry, back in SA =) =) TA RUTHIE!! All of this followed by a long ass drive to Mooikloof to check out Mange and Lettie's new flat. Very nice yes, but holy krap is it far!!! There is no way I could survive out there...no way. Final stop for the night was at Tobie and Neels. Missed that flat over the months, nothing has changed except that there are bikes in the living room as well. Our catch-up moments couldn't last long, I was simply exhausted and so out of it. Oh, and I had an early curfew because I'm sick =(. Plan is to have a braai over the weekend =) I will be all fired up and giggly for that and a proper session can begin.

SA visit

After having traveled for just over 12 hours, I'm finally home. =) =) Left my house at 22:30 for the train station only to find out that the ticket I had was for the day before, and going to Leeds only!!! There was no way I was going to be stranded in Leeds, so like a crazy person I jumped off the train with all my bags & bought a new ticket to Manchester. That meant though that I was at the station for another 2 hours before the bus arrived. I swear I have never been that cold before in my life, the longest 2 hours of my life. The strange people and fashion that you see this late in the night from York to Manchester is shocking! All the crazies come out and play. LMGA!!!!

Well, I made all my flights and again the longest 12 hours ever! First stop was Amsterdam =). The most amazing airport I have ever seen in my travel history. Lots of art everywhere, museum pieces, all so amazing. If I had more time on my hands and not look like a freak with a camera in my hand, I would have taken a whole lot more pics. Maybe next time when I might one day holiday there. The longest flight was the one to JHB, I was so knackered during the flight, slept through most of it. I sat next to this really sweet deaf guy and it was such an experience. =) Another experience was flying slightly happy courtesy of red wine from Chile. It was all good  and when we landed I did something I never thought I would. Brikz-Sweeti My Baby, was playing through the terminal when we landed in JHB. I just had to break out into dance!!! I don't dance very well, but I didn't give a shit! I also cried a bit and heard the SA accent...I was in heaven =).

Got an awesome reception from my family, was really cool. Loved it!! Felt so famous...like a ROCKSTAR!!

Back in the land of the living

wow! That was a bit of a long ass break wasn't it? For some of you, who keep up with my facebook know that the last month has been extremely rough on me. You're often unaware of your limits until you've been pushed beyond them. It's in this dark, cold, God forsaken place that you realize who your friends are, who truly loves you, & how much you really want something. I've been told off a number of times, had my ideas shot down and trashed, spent many nights crying myself to sleep...yet I still want that career so bad I can taste it. It's a matter of me being patient with myself and realizing that I'm only 23! I should absorb every experience I get, my time to break free from the archaeological mould will come..don't rush it. It will come...

As for love...it's just not for me I guess. I think I left love back in SA, because I sure as hell not finding it here. Thought I found someone I could be with while living here, but turns out that he was/is a prick that I wish I had never met. He used to intrigue me, was so much older & I could just never figure him out. He on the other hand could see right through me, my fault entirely. Probed at aspects and secrets about me and my personality that I had buried away within myself with no hope of resurfacing...least to say I didn't like it, so I gave him the boot...literally! I've given up on finding "the one", whenever he/she is ready, I hope to be ready too. As for now I'll be starring across the table at my latest eyecandy & sleeping alone in my bed, focusing on building up that 'Jeffersonian' career. It's the one thing I know for sure that I'm good at, no doubt.

The next topic I should really focus on is : PhD now or later? Do I volunteer with the EAAF in NY or go home for a bit and do odd jobs here and there? Do I stay in the ICE AGE with no idea what to do next??

New Year

New year and i’ve already made some fucked up choices. Well, they didn’t seem so bad at the time, actually the one was really fun. Somehow i know its going to come back and bite me in the ass...just got to wait for it to happen. Maybe its through these decisions i make that i will truely discover what happiness is or isn’t, get to know what really makes me tick, etc. A bit excited about what else in going to mess up.

Apart from my social life, i got my academic life to worry about. The dissertation isn’t going to write itself yet alone create its own research question. That’s the one thing i find myself faced with at the moment, but somehow these things always just seem to work out in the end. I need to make an appointment to see Paul Lane & Jo, then again with Malin who may have something up her sleeve. Oliver did say he had a few ideas that i could take a look at. I guess if i have to start somewhere it would be in bed, with my laptop, stolen internet, coffee and loads of food. Just a day to put a few ideas onto paper.

This is what i live for! This is to the best year...

Christmas Holidays

Christmas Holidays

I’ve never been a fan of this time of the year, but this time I have a little something to look forward to. So, I’ve been away from home in a foreign country for at least 3 months now and the only contact I’ve had with South Africa has been through facebook & skype...until my brothers arrived. Yep, my brothers came over for the Christmas Holidays & I had a ball of a time.

When they arrived on the 17^th Dec I had been awake for the past 24 hours, partially John’s fault... Walked over to the train station really early and it was bloody cold, I swear the temperatures were not normal. I don’t think my face could light up anymore then it did when I saw them walk down from the platform =) basically jumped the both of them. All they wanted to do was get out of the cold. We took it easy the 1^st couple of days and they went on a major shopping spree with their holiday money while i took care of the food and survival goods needed. Also felt a bit domestic over Christmas & cooked up a full-on lunch. A first for me i must say & did all this in a dress, growing up so fast. Oh well, that will never happen again...

Met Panos as well, really cool guy! We also pulled a London trip with a whole lot of sights covered in a space of a day and a half. British Museum and Chelsea stadium included. Vasia and Panos joined us on the last day, Panos flew back to Greece the next day and the rest of us made the sad trip back to York. Well we were only there for like a day before having to pack everything up for Manchester the next day. Only spent one day in Manchester and we did the Old Trafford tour =). It was the last night my brothers were with me before having to catch their plane early the next morning. We ate like Kings that night, we went all out with starters, main and dessert =) =). Getting to the airport was the hardest thing to do, or at least i thought so, little did i know that the hardest was yet to come. The goodbye...i physically couldn’t walk as soon as they got through passport control. I was stuck in the same spot for what seems like hours in physical pain as my heart was breaking all over again. Eventually got over to it & made the slow trek back to the train station to catch the train back to York. Passed through a couple of snow blizzards and rain on this journey back to my normal life, when i got to York i just decided walk back to the house in the rain rather then getting a cab.

                                          ...got to go home soon...