Life can’t always be perfect now can it...pity, because I would give anything to smile and laugh again tonight. Ever since my messed up date night and criteria of freaks that I seem to have collected; I’ve been stuck in this runt.
My chest still hurts, but thanks to Stevie B, that’s the only thing that hurts =). Got into a fight with my mum this morning & I really and honestly didn’t do anything to start it. I know she’s not feeling well amongst other things on her shoulders, but I’m so sore and tired right now. I can’t deal with anything at the moment, my dissertation just keeps taunting me and no matter how hard I work, it’s just not good enough. My old mates, who know how to make me feel so much better, effortlessly, are so far away. I talk to them everyday, but I just don’t feel them. I’ve got new mates here in this part of the world that are just so rad it’s going to hurt so much when we all go our separate ways. The time we have is just not enough, it’s never enough!
So to make myself feel better, the only way I know how I pasted myself with make-up and let the camera lens reveal to me who I was. I often see myself as this subtle rebel, going against the current, striving to be different, loved and most importantly hardcore. However, that is not what I saw in the photos, not at all. Despite the make-up and jacket, my insecurities came to the surface. It took so many frames to get the perfect shot. My face and eyes were not as hard as they were meant to be; they had become soft and fragile.
Underneath all of this, I am soft and fragile. Sometimes my heart will be crying in a middle of a smile. Been racing for years and still there is no finish line...but you know what...I’m a rock star! All my brain needs is three days for it to turn this upside down world the right way up again. Then you need to decide whether we’re mates, more than that or nothing at all because I can’t burn this bridge on my own.
Catch Alight...
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