It’s been a long year and it’s the final countdown. Dissertation work began no more than 4/5 months ago and now the hand-in date is no more than a week away. I’m so tired; I can’t work on this paper anymore. I’ve reached the point where I can’t even read my previously typed out chapters anymore to edit them for the second time at least. My brain is just so tired from having read the same thing over and over again. I can’t possibly add any more data to what I have written already, if there are any grammatical errors, I can’t pick them up, my brain cells have just died. To be fair to myself all I have left to work on are the final chapters and my appendices...so much work, so tired. I just cant anymore and knowing that the amount of sweat, tears, time and effort that I’ve put into this so far isn’t going to reflect too well in the final product. All I can do is pray and hope that the people marking my work realise just how outside my element I really am. It’s not fair!
It’s my daddy’s birthday today, and it’s the first time I’m so far away from him at this time of the year. He’s getting older and reminds me so much of my grandfather. I miss my grandpa...I still cry every time I think about him. To know that my dad (both my folks) are getting older every year scares the life out of me. All I want to do today is just be home, enjoying the sunshine and watching dad braai meat out by the pool while the “women” cook in the kitchen. That’s all I want...I lie, it’s not all I want, but my ultimate wish can’t come true no matter how hard I work or how hard I cry. Just have to suck it up and deal with what’s in front of me.
Happy birthday Dada, I love you lots & lots!!!
I’m temporarily blinded by irrational tears right now, can’t believe I’m crying because I’m scared of the unknown. There, I admit that I am scared. I do get scared and I’m scared shitless right now! The weather outside is trying to be beautiful with the sun shining and all, but there’s also the presence of the huge gusts of wind that would blow past every now and then. Blows my focus onto what’s going on in New York. Generally I wouldn’t have cared much about what’s happening on that side of the world, but my bestie lives there now...so I care a lot all of a sudden. It had been t least 12 hours since I last heard or detected any news from her in the big apple. I was already set to go into a state of mild panic when a green light on facebook popped up to let me know that she was online. It’s not mush to go on, but hey it’s something right. To be honest, I have no idea what’s going on out there and the news reports on Hurricane Irene aren’t exactly setting my mind at ease with Mayor Bloomberg (whatever his name is) suffering from exhaustion and people still out watching the storm unfold outside. Not everybody gets to be a storm-chaser, stay away from the bitch! Anyway, my mate is just fine and now I need to focus on me and what I can do pull rabbits out my ass for this dissertation.
You’d still love me even if I failed right? I’ve made it this far, but I’m tired and “even heroes know when to be scared”.
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