It’s the final month of my Masters degree, and I’m not particularly sure how I feel about it. I’m both excited that within a short space of time I will hopefully be the new owner of another degree, but that also brings me closer to packing up my bags and heading back to South Africa. I miss home, yes, but I’ve adapted to living on this side of the world already and have a really awesome group of mates. Over the couple of days I’ve developed this sense of fear that I’m going to flunk the year! What would I do if I were to fail?? Now, a lot of people have told me that that scenario is not likely to happen, but you never know. There are two sides to every coin and on of these days it will land on the opposite side and I’m just waiting for that day to come along and pray that it affect my degree in anyway. I’ve made my folks spend way too much money on this venture for it to just to end in a pool of tears.
I’m just so super scared of the unknown, its something I have no control over and maybe my best just doesn’t cut it. I’ve been receiving loads of pep messages from both family and close mates, who always say that I’ll make it and they’re proud of me, as awesome as those messages are to me it also just makes it much harder for me. Being told that you’re an inspiration and a role model for your siblings and other folk that look up to you and want to be just like you, it really is just so scary. These people really see you as being perfect and being able to do anything. Reality is that I’m the biggest loser this world has ever seen. I’m no superstar...I’m not doing the impossible; I’m just a stubborn bitch trying to get through each day without having to come to terms with my very obvious insecurities and imperfections. I don’t wish for anyone to be like me...it’s horrible. You want someone to look up to, take your pick at the people I find myself hanging out with on a daily basis both here and in SA. If your patient, my brothers are well on their way to awesomeness, look up to them and let me deal with myself before I can share myself with the rest of you.
I guess I could comment on the London riots, but I won’t simply because I live a life in which I isolate myself from the news and focus on what I can change in the world. They say ignorance is bliss & it seems to be working for me, as pathetically blonde as that sounds. I get upset with the news because all they seem to report on is all the bad and negative in the world most of the time. I have enough to deal with on a daily basis and wished that the rest of the world and a couple people I know would just get over themselves and bloody well live!
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