Homeward Bound

The last couple days in York have been awesome. The entire year has been awesome! Right, so we started off with coffee with Keri; I swear we could talk forever but stupid meetings got in the way. Next off was a trip to the House of Trembling Madness with Olly that resulted in drinking a mass amount of beer. The glass was gigantic and could barely lift it let alone drink all of it; we even managed to get the entire pub staring at us when our drinks arrived...too much fun. Next stop was Evil Eye & it was just blurry from then onwards. I don’t remember how I made it to KM or our next stop from there. I had good fun that day. The last night in York I went out to Tokyo...it wasn’t planned at all; the plan was to get a drink at the pub and then come home. Nope, 3 pubs, Tokyo & a hook up later I’m in bed just about packed for the next day.    

I swear the universe didn’t want me to leave England; it pulled out all the stops to get me to stay. First we had a lovely shower of rain on my way to the train station thus resulting in a very cold station, not that it’s ever warm in there or anything. Next stupid thing I did was get onto the wrong train and managed to jump off just in time before being London-bound. So I manage to get onto the right train & because it’s so packed full of people, I had to stand for the entire 2 hour journey to Man Airport. Not too bad of a start there, the worst bit was the fact that my luggage was slightly over weight. Tossed out a pair of pumps and put a couple t-shirts into my hand luggage & I was ready to go. Almost missed my flight to Zurich, thanks to the complicated mass that is Man Airport.  Zurich was just fine; nothing too dramatic happened there except for our 30 min delay, yet another sign from the Universe to stay. However, it placed me on a flight between 3 South Africans for 10 hours...just make up your mind already Universe; stay or go?

Anyway, after 12 hours of flying across the world & I’m back in SA. The usual start to the morning is with breakfast and so mum & baby bro of mine went out for brekkie, which I paid for in the end. Homeward bound & passed out on the couch while catching up with my baby bro. Leftover pizza & more drifting in-n-out of sleep for most of the night, laughing my lungs out with dada & loads of cartoon watching.

The main idea for the next week or so is to become familiar with what should already be familiar. I’m only seeing my mates over the weekend and from then on it will be more scheduling to get around to seeing everyone. Got to remember to keep hydrated & not go overboard with being out in the sun. The last experience was not fun at all & shan’t be repeating it anytime soon.

So that was it, that was the last of Callisto’s life in York, now all that’s left is graduation and surviving life post-MSc...kicking my ass already might I add. 

Happy

Stranded in a desert of a million dreams

Just like life hasn’t exactly been as nice as it seems.

Hello, how are you?

Why you looking so sad on a day like this?

Do you feel like talking?

Now you got me started, I want to put a smile on your face.

You can be so happy, on this brand new beautiful day.

You can be so happy, like its getting ready to play. Come on and bring it on, on and on, nothing that you do can be wrong.

Come along or just don’t bring it on.

It all seems perfect, but perfect seems boring as hell

You’ve been craving for this, now you seem stuck like a snail in its shell.

All that matters, is that you can be free to live your life the way you sincerely feel it

Cause life’s too short.

Don’t want to be a prisoner of your own illusions...

- Sita

Women of Note

Lucretia – the wife of Batiatus and Domina of a now non-existent ludis; a woman of moderate standings, who knew how to dress the part is now left with nothing. A fairly conflicted character in both love and deception, Lucy Lawless portrays her like no other actress could possibly come close to playing. Lucretia is by no means Xena, other than being bisexual and sharing the same body to “manifest” in Lucretia may just be more deadly than the physically dominant Xena. Enough about Xena, Lucretia was devoted to her husband completely and still had Crixus as her little side-dish in the 1^st episode. However, Crixus decided to grow a couple brain cells and develop feelings for Nevia and left Lucretia wounded physically and emotionally. That bitch doesn’t die easily though, a little poke to the tummy may have killed the baby she was carrying, but not the Domina carrying it. Sparticus: Vengeance is all about Lucretia taking out the bastards and bitches that wanted her dead. Her face says it all...gyaa, I love both Lucretia & Lucy!!

Rogue – the first X-men original character I fell in love with as a child. A deeply conflicted young woman, who is yet to realize her strength, emotionally detached and rejected, I don’t know why I fell for her. Maybe because she started out as a villain, a perfect villain that after more backstabbing became one of the good guys. An unstable and unpredictable heroine that nobody could control or get close to...nobody! Gambit was her only weakness.

Ororo “Storm” Monroe – the wise, silver haired, weather witch used to freak me out as a kid. Once I knew more about her background and how she became the weather witch, it scared me even more, but along with it brought on a sense of intrigue and fascination of her. To this day, Storm has become my favourite character; so wise, so strong, the almost perfect role model for any girl. Pity the writers for the X-men movies didn’t give her a bigger role to play; she really was the backbone and voice of reason to the entire team. I wonder if she and Logan actually get together, just to toss out the tension between them.        

The end of the line...

The journey to get here started with one and so it has to end with only one yet again.

Just last week I handed in the final version of my MSc thesis and by the good grace of God, I finally made it to the end. The end of the most challenging, eye-opening and exciting year of my life. So, what have I learned this year?

·         Well, that I can be alone & survive it all (not that I would do it again in a hurry)

·         Even though my family annoys the crap out of me, I miss them to bits

·         Your true friends are the ones that are there despite the distant. I mean with some of my mates back home, I forget that we’re 12 hours apart from each other. Yes, not everyone is good at keeping contact, but there is that fine line that separates you from being an acquaintance, a mate, a bestie, and a soul-mate. That reminds me; I had my fortune read by a woman I met before moving out to York. Totally random as I was just picking up my Dad’s dry cleaning for him when she just took my hand looked at me and said that in my new adventure I would find my soul-mate. Your soul-mate isn’t necessarily your partner, but could be a friend you just realised you can’t live without. There has been one that I could never stop thinking about no matter how hard I tried to move on from the poor basis of a friendship we had. I still can’t get over it and figure we were never really friends to start out with, just two people looking for someone to fill the void but caught in the friendship entrapment.

·         Making new friends may not be easy, but it sure as hell so much fun when a good thing is going

·         I hate people who just won’t see my point of view. You don’t have to accept it, just hear me out

·         I need a break from academia & enter the real world of a 09:00 – 17:00 job, rent, and bills to pay...not fun!

·         Far too young and restless to slow down and settle. A manfriend who can live out my adventurous lifestyle with me would be welcomed.

·         On the topic of manfriends, I suck at picking out the right one. My entire selection just ends up in a train wreck.

·         Just one step closer to fulfilling my life’s dream with the ultimate career and getting there is much harder than I thought it would be. No pressure, no diamonds...

Can’t believe an entire year has passed already, but we (bioarch’s & Stacie) made it to the very end. What now?? Guess we just take over the world with our nerdiness, one small county, state, country, and continent at a time. To the new Cool Kid’s Club: English Version =)

Dare You to Move -Vitamin String Quartet playing in my head =)

Somebody Help Me

Can somebody help me?

Being haunted by a whisper, a chill comes over me

I’ve been trapped inside this moment. I‘m not a victim, I’m not a freak

Free me, before I slip away

Heal me, wake me from this day

Can somebody help me? Somebody help me

I’ve seen the face of my affliction, of my reality

I’m being tortured by the future, of things yet to be

I’m being haunted by a vision, it’s like the moment never comes

I feel the burden of confusion. Always searching on the run

Free me, before I slip away

Heal me, wake me from this day

Can somebody help me? Somebody help me

Now I’m not a hero, no

But the weight of the world’s on my soul

These images burn in my eyes. They’re burning me up inside

Free me, before I slip away

Heal me, wake me from this day

Can somebody help me? Somebody help me

-Full Blown Rose

Burning out

It’s been a long year and it’s the final countdown. Dissertation work began no more than 4/5 months ago and now the hand-in date is no more than a week away. I’m so tired; I can’t work on this paper anymore. I’ve reached the point where I can’t even read my previously typed out chapters anymore to edit them for the second time at least. My brain is just so tired from having read the same thing over and over again. I can’t possibly add any more data to what I have written already, if there are any grammatical errors, I can’t pick them up, my brain cells have just died. To be fair to myself all I have left to work on are the final chapters and my appendices...so much work, so tired. I just cant anymore and knowing that the amount of sweat, tears, time and effort that I’ve put into this so far isn’t going to reflect too well in the final product. All I can do is pray and hope that the people marking my work realise just how outside my element I really am. It’s not fair!

It’s my daddy’s birthday today, and it’s the first time I’m so far away from him at this time of the year. He’s getting older and reminds me so much of my grandfather. I miss my grandpa...I still cry every time I think about him. To know that my dad (both my folks) are getting older every year scares the life out of me. All I want to do today is just be home, enjoying the sunshine and watching dad braai meat out by the pool while the “women” cook in the kitchen. That’s all I want...I lie, it’s not all I want, but my ultimate wish can’t come true no matter how hard I work or how hard I cry. Just have to suck it up and deal with what’s in front of me.

Happy birthday Dada, I love you lots & lots!!!

I’m temporarily blinded by irrational tears right now, can’t believe I’m crying because I’m scared of the unknown. There, I admit that I am scared. I do get scared and I’m scared shitless right now! The weather outside is trying to be beautiful with the sun shining and all, but there’s also the presence of the huge gusts of wind that would blow past every now and then. Blows my focus onto what’s going on in New York. Generally I wouldn’t have cared much about what’s happening on that side of the world, but my bestie lives there now...so I care a lot all of a sudden. It had been t least 12 hours since I last heard or detected any news from her in the big apple. I was already set to go into a state of mild panic when a green light on facebook popped up to let me know that she was online. It’s not mush to go on, but hey it’s something right. To be honest, I have no idea what’s going on out there and the news reports on Hurricane Irene aren’t exactly setting my mind at ease with Mayor Bloomberg (whatever his name is) suffering from exhaustion and people still out watching the storm unfold outside. Not everybody gets to be a storm-chaser, stay away from the bitch! Anyway, my mate is just fine and now I need to focus on me and what I can do pull rabbits out my ass for this dissertation.

You’d still love me even if I failed right?  I’ve made it this far, but I’m tired and “even heroes know when to be scared”. 

just random thoughts to get off my chest

It’s the final month of my Masters degree, and I’m not particularly sure how I feel about it. I’m both excited that within a short space of time I will hopefully be the new owner of another degree, but that also brings me closer to packing up my bags and heading back to South Africa. I miss home, yes, but I’ve adapted to living on this side of the world already and have a really awesome group of mates. Over the couple of days I’ve developed this sense of fear that I’m going to flunk the year! What would I do if I were to fail?? Now, a lot of people have told me that that scenario is not likely to happen, but you never know. There are two sides to every coin and on of these days it will land on the opposite side and I’m just waiting for that day to come along and pray that it affect my degree in anyway. I’ve made my folks spend way too much money on this venture for it to just to end in a pool of tears.

I’m just so super scared of the unknown, its something I have no control over and maybe my best just doesn’t cut it. I’ve been receiving loads of pep messages from both family and close mates, who always say that I’ll make it and they’re proud of me, as awesome as those messages are to me it also just makes it much harder for me. Being told that you’re an inspiration and a role model for your siblings and other folk that look up to you and want to be just like you, it really is just so scary. These people really see you as being perfect and being able to do anything. Reality is that I’m the biggest loser this world has ever seen. I’m no superstar...I’m not doing the impossible; I’m just a stubborn bitch trying to get through each day without having to come to terms with my very obvious insecurities and imperfections. I don’t wish for anyone to be like me...it’s horrible. You want someone to look up to, take your pick at the people I find myself hanging out with on a daily basis both here and in SA. If your patient, my brothers are well on their way to awesomeness, look up to them and let me deal with myself before I can share myself with the rest of you. 

I guess I could comment on the London riots, but I won’t simply because I live a life in which I isolate myself from the news and focus on what I can change in the world. They say ignorance is bliss & it seems to be working for me, as pathetically blonde as that sounds. I get upset with the news because all they seem to report on is all the bad and negative in the world most of the time. I have enough to deal with on a daily basis and wished that the rest of the world and a couple people I know would just get over themselves and bloody well live!