Back in York

After just a little over 12 hours of travelling, I'm back in York. To be honest it feels good to be back to a little more control in my life. Spring time in the UK and the sun is out and shining, not all that warm,but shame they are trying. lol.

Getting back into the swing of things already, have a coffee date later today and dental calculus to read up on =). Sounds like so much fun, would rather go shopping. Think I'll do that before those bratty kids get married tomorrow and force the whole of England to be a part of it. Note to the "so-called Royals of England" your not really royalty, you have no power in this country or anywhere in the world actually, and nobody cares that one of you is getting married! That is all...I would like to get on with my life now.

Oh...I've realized last night that I indeed do have my own agent Booth =)

Ready to leave now

Wow...I have never before in my life felt like an outsider among my own mates. You know when you start the day and you're just so excited bout it and the people you get to see again?? Well, that is how my day originally started...loads of smiles, hugs and laughs. A lunch date that put my mind both at ease and going into sensory overload. I know it wasn't the main intention, but my emotions tend to do what they want, when they want. On the drive home all I could think about was how this "Black Widow" was sinking her teeth into my mate and flooding in so much poison into the wound. Dark secrets also came to light, I had suspected it was going on, but had no proof. Just it being mentioned by somebody else put all the pieces together for me. So many things started making sense, a clear picture was forming. The only thing I didn't and don't understand is why? Why lie about it and keep it a secret? Why did't you tell me bout her? Think I was going to judge you? Maybe a little bit yes, but I have been stood by you anyway...clearly we not as close mates as I thought we were...July 7...

My family is also turning it seems, turning me into a domesticated housewife!! Don't know how and why, but its happening and the torture is greater than Chinese water-torture. Alas, you can't choose your family so let's focus on what I can change...me.

Note to self: STOP CARING ABOUT FUCKS WHO DON'T GIVE A SHIT BOUT YOU!!!

thatisall

Changes

Remember in the last post how I claimed that nothing at all had changed in SA?? What the hell did I know, I had only been in SA for little over 2 weeks! I can honestly say that a shit-load of things and people have changed. I'm not trying to be mean and target people, and I know that changed is unavoidable, its going to happen whether I like it or not. It's just that I did not expect it to be this drastic, actually I didn't expect it at all. Maybe that's the problem. Over the past 5 months away I had stored all the memories and awesomeness of my family and mates, preserved and conserved them in their pristine and original condition, that coming back to this...made me really angry and sad. I cried!! It was the memories that kept me going in that fridge wasteland! Ok, I'm being a bit of a snob-nosed bitch right now, but thank you mates for giving me 5 minutes of your lives, while I on the other hand spent 12 hours in flight traveling half way across the world, paid around R12000, and a month out of my dissertation writing time to see your asses!!! It's cool now, I'm over it...I know I don't exactly fit in anymore, but hey so what...I'm a big girl (I think) it's just water over my really curved back now. Moving on...

I still have more rant in me, but no...! Change...have I changed? I hope not at this point I like me, so changing would ruin that, maybe later =)

I'm tired now, think I've dramatized my life a bit too much now. Time to just mellow and chill out a bit with a bunch of guys, who even though have changed, they still get me.

The power of music =) God-sent =)

Being Home

I feel almost human again =), went out to Pta yesterday to say hi to a couple of people. Driving into Pta itself was on another level, not much has changed since I've been gone. Started off with a coffee date with Lee at Brooklyn. So good to see the face behind all the texts. A small catch-up session started and not all that much has changed it seems. Drove over to campus, first stop was to see Prof. Kriel, she was so supper happy to see me =). Had an awesome little chat and kept going on about how proud she was of me and so many little hugs. Awesomeness!!! Then came the Archaeology Department, Lynnette still the same as I left her. Also made an appearance at Prof. Pikirayi's office. Seems the Dept is slowly getting onto a roll, so much money coming into the research pool and all.

Oh, while having coffee with Lee, I was asked if I was above the age of 18 because my drink had rum in it =). I'll take that as a compliment =P. Got to see Danny, Ruthie, Helen and Bianca for a bit too. Went out for a drink at Oom G with Ruthie and scored a free drink in the process. My first Hunters Dry, back in SA =) =) TA RUTHIE!! All of this followed by a long ass drive to Mooikloof to check out Mange and Lettie's new flat. Very nice yes, but holy krap is it far!!! There is no way I could survive out there...no way. Final stop for the night was at Tobie and Neels. Missed that flat over the months, nothing has changed except that there are bikes in the living room as well. Our catch-up moments couldn't last long, I was simply exhausted and so out of it. Oh, and I had an early curfew because I'm sick =(. Plan is to have a braai over the weekend =) I will be all fired up and giggly for that and a proper session can begin.

SA visit

After having traveled for just over 12 hours, I'm finally home. =) =) Left my house at 22:30 for the train station only to find out that the ticket I had was for the day before, and going to Leeds only!!! There was no way I was going to be stranded in Leeds, so like a crazy person I jumped off the train with all my bags & bought a new ticket to Manchester. That meant though that I was at the station for another 2 hours before the bus arrived. I swear I have never been that cold before in my life, the longest 2 hours of my life. The strange people and fashion that you see this late in the night from York to Manchester is shocking! All the crazies come out and play. LMGA!!!!

Well, I made all my flights and again the longest 12 hours ever! First stop was Amsterdam =). The most amazing airport I have ever seen in my travel history. Lots of art everywhere, museum pieces, all so amazing. If I had more time on my hands and not look like a freak with a camera in my hand, I would have taken a whole lot more pics. Maybe next time when I might one day holiday there. The longest flight was the one to JHB, I was so knackered during the flight, slept through most of it. I sat next to this really sweet deaf guy and it was such an experience. =) Another experience was flying slightly happy courtesy of red wine from Chile. It was all good  and when we landed I did something I never thought I would. Brikz-Sweeti My Baby, was playing through the terminal when we landed in JHB. I just had to break out into dance!!! I don't dance very well, but I didn't give a shit! I also cried a bit and heard the SA accent...I was in heaven =).

Got an awesome reception from my family, was really cool. Loved it!! Felt so famous...like a ROCKSTAR!!

Back in the land of the living

wow! That was a bit of a long ass break wasn't it? For some of you, who keep up with my facebook know that the last month has been extremely rough on me. You're often unaware of your limits until you've been pushed beyond them. It's in this dark, cold, God forsaken place that you realize who your friends are, who truly loves you, & how much you really want something. I've been told off a number of times, had my ideas shot down and trashed, spent many nights crying myself to sleep...yet I still want that career so bad I can taste it. It's a matter of me being patient with myself and realizing that I'm only 23! I should absorb every experience I get, my time to break free from the archaeological mould will come..don't rush it. It will come...

As for love...it's just not for me I guess. I think I left love back in SA, because I sure as hell not finding it here. Thought I found someone I could be with while living here, but turns out that he was/is a prick that I wish I had never met. He used to intrigue me, was so much older & I could just never figure him out. He on the other hand could see right through me, my fault entirely. Probed at aspects and secrets about me and my personality that I had buried away within myself with no hope of resurfacing...least to say I didn't like it, so I gave him the boot...literally! I've given up on finding "the one", whenever he/she is ready, I hope to be ready too. As for now I'll be starring across the table at my latest eyecandy & sleeping alone in my bed, focusing on building up that 'Jeffersonian' career. It's the one thing I know for sure that I'm good at, no doubt.

The next topic I should really focus on is : PhD now or later? Do I volunteer with the EAAF in NY or go home for a bit and do odd jobs here and there? Do I stay in the ICE AGE with no idea what to do next??

New Year

New year and i’ve already made some fucked up choices. Well, they didn’t seem so bad at the time, actually the one was really fun. Somehow i know its going to come back and bite me in the ass...just got to wait for it to happen. Maybe its through these decisions i make that i will truely discover what happiness is or isn’t, get to know what really makes me tick, etc. A bit excited about what else in going to mess up.

Apart from my social life, i got my academic life to worry about. The dissertation isn’t going to write itself yet alone create its own research question. That’s the one thing i find myself faced with at the moment, but somehow these things always just seem to work out in the end. I need to make an appointment to see Paul Lane & Jo, then again with Malin who may have something up her sleeve. Oliver did say he had a few ideas that i could take a look at. I guess if i have to start somewhere it would be in bed, with my laptop, stolen internet, coffee and loads of food. Just a day to put a few ideas onto paper.

This is what i live for! This is to the best year...