Dissertation adventures: building the reference collection

Burning bridges

How complicated can one’s life get when it comes to matters of the heart or lack there of? It’s never really been an easy road for me to when it comes to boyfriends and those feelings that make you all loopy and warm inside. My first official boyfriend was a complete asshole jock and we broke up at least twice within a year! I cant even remember why I dated him in the first place...anyway it did give my popularity a bit of a boost with him being a senior and the school jock n all. The one good thing that ever came from that relationship were the new mates I got to make, including one with the most cutest guy I had ever seen in my life at that point. I’ll refer to him as “Tom”. It’s funny because he and the jock ex-boyfriend weren’t even mates, not at all! Anyway that’s not the point, the point is that through all the shit times I was going through there was always that one beautiful person that would just make my day by just sitting next to me. We ended up kissing in the kitchen the one time and he asked me out after that, but stupid me, I was still with that jerk. Tom was so sweet and so amazing he was willing to wait for me to realise what was right for me, but the universe had plans of its own, and so Tom and I went our separate ways. We kept in contact with each other for some time after that, I loved every second of it and would blush at the beep of his text. Then the day came for me to burn the crumbling bridge that we had built together. It was clear to the both of us that we were no more than long-distance romantics trying to make the impossible work...I cried for a long time, but I never forgot Tom.

A couple of months after Tom, I was fortunate to meet a few more guys that I held dear to my heart and became my best mates. I started to see the world (girls) through the eyes of males. I had my cuddly teddy bear, sporty restaurant (if you can call it that) manager, and even a younger blonde blue/green eyed rascal to keep me company. The next highlight of my life came in the form of a foreign soul whose family name means “entertain” =). We met through his mother, whom I loved and still do as my own. It was all just such a cute game, I would blush, he would blush, awkward smiley moments hanging in time and space. I got along with his brothers, especially his younger brother. My girl mate and I were over at their flat almost every single day and I would always make that extra effort to be more social & chatty. Gyaaa, he was amazing and still is...

Then Varsity happened & “entertain” was still my number one guy, it didn’t last very long though =(. Had a couple flings here and there, grew more confident in my sexuality and started dating my best friend at the time. All I can say about that relationship was that it really shouldn’t have happened in the first place as I was dealing with a very painful loss. The relationship was no good for me and it hurt, both physically and emotionally. So, I ended it, bridge up in flames...few years later I hook up with another mate...why do I keep doing that?? It didn’t work out and you could say I burnt that bridge really fast. Before I knew it, another had wormed his way into my heart without me even realising it. I didn’t expect it at all; in fact I’ve only acknowledged it in the past year. I swear it was both the best and worst thing to happen to me in my entire state of existence.

I love you, but I’m not the only girl to do so...in order for me to keep friendships in check including my own sanity, I moved halfway across the world to forget about you and focus on my career. I don’t regret this move for one second. What I do regret, is still feeling like a little girl every time a text from you would come through or being concerned about your well-being when your name is mentioned. You’re living your rock star life at the moment; new faces, new places, and I foresee new spaces...I couldn’t possibly fit in it. I need to burn this bridge now and see what else the world has to offer. I hope to God it won’t involve really old men and lesbian stalkers!! Indian dude...I doubt it, but hey it’s only a start right? I secretly wish this bridge to be made of some underlying steel or copper hiding underneath a wooden structure, because I value our friendship, even though you don’t share a lot with me.

I’m a loser I know, shoot me =P 

Rummaging through the Library

About 2 weeks ago i made the library my bitch, i was in it almost every single day searching for something to inspire me. PhD thoughts running wild in my head, dissertation obligations tapping at my shoulder... at this point i was looking for anything and everything.

By complete accident, or so i would like to think, i came across the South African bookshelf. Not much to look through, but hey at least we made it into the shelf! Anyway, there were loads of books on the Mandela biography, Mbeki, and then right next to it was a biography on Zuma. JZ has made it to the major leagues! Some poor soul decided that he’s going to write a book on dearest president JZ with chapter titles such as; Zulu boy, the Zuma tsunami, let’s kill all the lawyers, and let’s fire Mbeki instead. Those are just a few of the chapters that i could remember from scanning the book in the midst of my cloudy mind. Must say it looks like an interesting and entertaining read, maybe if i was actually interested in politics i would check the book out.

 To be honest, that would be a cold day in hell & i will be willing to have a soccer teams worth of kids, before i get myself to read anything on politicians or any other big head at the top of the food chain.

Stalkers...

Ok, so how long have I been single exactly?? I drugged myself to bed last night seeing as my faithful mate, insomnia, has returned. Wake up this morning/afternoon, it was a long night, and I have a new lesbian stalker who goes by the name Fify...enough said. I’m hoping your French or something just so that the name makes sense. Alright, on a more serious note...my academia profile is not for picking up people to date. I use my academic profile to schmooze my way to the top of my career path, not to date! I don’t scare that easily, well sometimes, but this email got me out of bed pronto and into the shaggiest, baggy clothes I own in the UK.

“Hello dear,
My name is Fify, single searching for true love relationship as i saw your profile here (academia.edu) and i became interested in you and i will like to know more about you and if you don't mind to mail me back here then i will reply you with my pictures and tell you more about myself.
I hope we can move from here. waiting for your mail.
With best regards”

Think it’s time to start dating again, a sign from the universe. So, if any of you people out there could make suggestions I would appreciate them...and probably turn them down in the end. I do love men and I admit to being bicurious, but I love all things manly, wouldn’t trade it for the world. =) Using my email address to get me to talk to you, was not a good idea. I will find you!

I must be on a roll...that’s now the third stalker I’ve managed to obtain in a space of a year!! 

Spartacus!!!

I can't believe this beautiful man has cancer =( makes me so sad. Amazing physical appearance,but i prefer the character Crixus. I've fallen in love with him more than Spartacus.

The calm before the storm

It's been week from tartarus and this is only the beginning. Finally got through the assessed lecture, English as broken as it is failed to flow smoothly,but hey... the drinks after that were most welcomed. Strawberry cider...yummy!!! Thanx to a fellow bioarch nerd for the introduction =). I would have thought that since the lecture business is over I would be able to sleep. Sadly, that is not the case. I'm not sleeping at all these days,it's been 2 weeks now since I've had proper welcomed sleep without inducing it myself. Not much work has been done either in these moments that I've spent awake. However, I have discovered a new love interest for the fantasies that play out in my head...Spartacus:Blood and Sand. What was my life before beholding such brutality & sexiness?? Safe to say I will never look at men the same way.



Following the advice of a dear friend I will not indulge you on the original content that I was determined to blog about. Apparently it could ruin things with people. To be honest, its already ruined and I'm just embracing my inner bitch. 3 strikes and you're out buddy-boy, sorry...I still love you though (my weakness). As for my stalker, I told you before, get a life and let me get on with mine, wet magnesium and flames will not be kind to your remains. Identification of your remains will be near to impossible...just saying ;)
Besides, I have a forensic archaeologist in London to impress, that's stressful enough. My hair better work with me on that day, its started falling out again,but this time I will relax and take things with a glass of wine & aKing =)

I miss my mommy & the little girl with her

And so it begins...

It’s that time of the year again when I become an unpleasant person to be around. Ok, generally I am an unpleasant person, but if you add dissertation research and writing to the mix well... I’ve spent close to a week searching for and reading articles on starch grain analysis and dental calculus. It was only last night that my brain had an “aha” moment and when I woke up the next morning, it was gone. Hmmm, my brain is simple...it works on the principle of “monkey see, monkey do” right now this monkey isn’t seeing much and is therefore not getting a whole lot done! Anyway, with loads of positive energy (just oozing from my pores) and the wonder that is science (so I’m told by the scientists) it will work out. Good!!!

Ok, so my last few posts were really angry, dark and super narcissistic and got a few people wondering what it is they did wrong. If you think you did something to upset me, well...took you long enough! Ok, no now really, I’m just embracing the narcissist-ness within my personality. There is the existence of a ‘healthy’ narcissism that we should all practice and if you know anything about me, my folks, super awesome brothers & mates then you can understand my need to have a slightly higher dosage of narcissism. If not...I’m sorry, in the case that I’ve been unpleasant...again I am sorry. A feature related to healthy narcissism is the feeling of greatness, which is the antithesis of insecurity and inadequacy. Can’t promise it won’t happen again, but this time I have a mate that I’m just going to call up and scream at. When he gets a ‘bird’, if he doesn’t have one already, she’s just going to have to deal with it for my sake.

So, on the happy and bright side of things in my York-living/uni-busyness I got my pathology report back, and must say that the comments I got back made me smile a whole lot. Comments were that it was a beautiful piece, professionally done and accompanied by well documented illustrations =). For once my photos weren’t rubbish.